Broadway Pizza & Restaurant: "Like most things in life, this slice started out with promise but ultimately let me down."

After the nearly delicious experience at Mama's, Caroline, Mike and I trudged out into the rain and over to Broadway Pizza & Restaurant.


It's a decent looking place on the outside, though I felt a little claustrophobic in there. It was really narrow and cramped with boxes and shit. While I oftentimes enjoy the intimate experience of a tiny pizzeria (Rap Pizza, for instance, doesn't even have any tables, but it kind of rules in there), Broadway Pizza didn't feel intimate, it felt cramped. Like maybe a tomato can was gonna fall on my head like that lady who got mushed by a pallet of 2x4s at Home Depot a few years ago. But for $2.50, they serve up what might be a decent looking slice.


Here's why I say "might be decent looking," because I looked at that slice and thought it looked like crap, but I'm a good actor and didn't let on to Mikey and Caroline that I had already made a judgment. Much to my surprise, when I brought this slice to the table, my pizza pals were totally delighted with it. To me, this slice looks too wide, right off the bat I don't love the shape of it. Let's get less equilateral and way more isosceles, okay? Secondly, the colors were all off and the cheese looked bad. I thought this slice was going to be a soggy, wet mess. Luckily for everyone, I was only partially wrong.

This slice actually seemed initially promising. Since I know that I'm a total asshole, I thought maybe I had judged this slice incorrectly and approached my first bite with an open mind. While it lacked that dreamy texture I crave, it certainly tasted good! And despite the slice's over-wideness and over-thinness, it seemed to maintain a certain amount of structural integrity-a crucial element to the perfect slice. The structural integrity is like Deedee's basslines on a Ramones song, it holds everything together. (In case you were wondering Joey's singing is the sauce-sweet, but containing a hint of worldly bitterness, and Johnny's guitar playing is the cheese-you know it comes from somewhere kind of gross but ultimately it's perfect. The two kinds of good crust are Marky and Tommy's drumming, I'm not sure which is which yet. Richie is totally unimportant to this analogy, as is Ceejay. A slice that burns the roof of your mouth but was totally worth it is the time that Phil Spector held the Ramones at gunpoint during the recording of End of the Century. Actually a slice that burns the roof of your mouth but rules is the time when Johnny stole Joey's girlfriend and Joey was so hurt but ultimately he wrote The KKK Took My Baby Away so, it kind of makes it all okay. The time when Phil Spector held the Ramones at gunpoint is when you are at the bar and the guy who owns the pizzeria in your neighborhood corners you and then tries to get you to do coke with him in the bathroom.) Where was I? Oh, this slice. It seemed okay, okay? But then everyone noticed this weird taste in our mouths. The unmistakable, chemical after-taste of cheap cheese. BOOOO! And then the slice started to fall apart. And then the crust was totally way too dense and sucked. Whatever, ultimately this slice was a bummer, but I got to talk about the Ramones, so that's cool at least.

Broadway Pizza & Restaurant
2709 Broadway
New York, NY 10025

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In other news, recurring character and official Pizzateer, Jordan DeVylder reported to me that last night he had a slice at Como Pizza that they forgot about in the oven for longer than they meant to and it was PERFECT. So keep that in mind. Maybe I will return there.