Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Grotto Pizzeria & Restaurant: "It can't rain all the time."

Oy vey! Yesterday was such a rainy day, and it is supposed to keep being a rainy day for the next FOREVER. I wish the rain would stop just once. I woke up at a reasonable hour and took the train into the city with my girlfriend Cha-Cha so I could drop her off at her tango lesson at noon. I had nothing to do for an hour and a half, because at 1:30 I had plans to meet up with my friend Jennifer Shagawat, who runs that awesome Starcleaner Records and is also one half of the band Shellshag. The thing about Shellshag is that they are like, the most hardworking band on Earth, and also the most fun band in the Universe. I don't remember the first time I saw Shellshag, and I couldn't even count how many times I've seen them since then. I am just constantly impressed by all kinds of stuff about them:
Songs are awesome
Hella good hair on both of them.
Excellent attitudes.
Live show, ta die faw.
S is for smoking weed.
Hard times? Shellshag will help you through them.
Apple orange grapefruit tangerine.
Groovin' hard, lookin' sharp, kickin' butt, SUMMAH.

So yeah, I originally drafted that list in glitter glue on a neon poster board, but I don't have a scanner big enough to scan it. (I don't have any scanner at all.) ANYWAY! I started writing this at work after eating pizza, BUT THEN it was busy at the diner and I drank too much coffee so I could multitask but it was still too busy to stop and write AND THEN after work I was gonna do it but I got home and me and Kevin hung out and I cleaned under my bed because I was super wired from the coffee AND THEN I was like, "I'll go to bed at a reasonable hour and I'll do it in the morning" BUT THEN I decided to watch the X-Files before bed and you know what they say about the X-Files "once you pop the fun don't stop" AND NOW it's like, almost 7am and I have been up all night watching the X-Files. OOPS! Anyway, here is a Slice Harvester now. And I am losing my mind.

So yeah, I met Jen way down on Broadway after walking a great distance in the rain. I was soaking wet and hungry and really excited because I had scoped out our first pizza place and it looked CRAZY!

WHAT?! The Grotto is like, not a pizza place from real life. This is a pizza place from Who Framed Roger Rabbit?. The front door just leads to a really claustrophobic staircase and then that just runs into an unnecessary seeming door that opens awkwardly and then you are in this weird basement space with the lowest ceilings ever and there everything is really bright colors and there are no windows and the people are all weirdos. AKA my dream come true.

Even though the environment was super cool this slice sucked and it tasted like I was eating a battery. The cheese was fine, and the dough was okay quality but spread so thin I ate the whole slice in like half a bite. And the sauce was the nastiest. Seriously, have you ever a eaten a battery? I haven't, but I imagine eating a battery would taste like this slice tastes.


Grotto Pizzeria & Restaurant - $2.50
69 New St (Exchange & Beaver)
New York, NY 10004


  1. I can't tell you how damned glad I am to have found your blog. Seriously. That thing about Roger Rabbit totally made my day, man.

    Keep eating pizza; it's basically the most awesome thing ever.

  2. Actually, Grotto's bacon jalapeno slice is pretty awesome.

  3. Bacon/Jalapeno slice SOUNDS pretty awesome!

  4. This is the funniest thing I've read in a while. I need to stop reading SH during meetings at work, people are wondering why I'm laughing at power points.

  5. Some of those slices did not look so bad. so what you are saying is they taste bad? why sauce too acidic? cheese old and stinky?

    crust not crusty?