I should have turned right around when I saw that woman's beleaguered expression. I thought perhaps her day had been so bad that even pizza couldn't make it better, but my 20-20 hindsight is telling me that her day totally ruled and was the raddest but then she took one bite of the shit pizza they sling in this craphole and the burdens of the world fell upon her shoulders like a curse.
When I got to the counter, the first thing I noticed was that they kept all the spices in the bottles they use for ketchup or garlic aioli or whatever in restaurant kitchens. This was an unnecessary but small hassle for me when preparing my slice later on. The pepper and garlic powder poured out in torrents, while the red pepper and oregano nearly refused to arrive at all.
During all this thinking, I realized what this place reminded me of--that pizzeria on the corner of Delancy and Essex. The one with the totally shitty pizza. Me and Juan used to go there back when we went to ABC No Rio all the time because it was around the corner and their slices were only $1, whereas our favorite place, St. Marks Pizza (RIP) was like, ten blocks away and cost $1.50. A couple years ago I was in that neighborhood, right after $2 replace $1.50 as the standard price for a slice, and I decided to stop in there and retry the place, figuring they were at least maybe still $1.50. I ordered my slice, it was the same sub-par bullshit, but they had decided, when everyone else in the neighborhood upped the prices to $2 to just shoot straight to $2.25. I feel like a penny pincher kvetching over quarters like this, but it's just a really big deal, and if you love pizza, you understand. But back to Pizza Delia's shitty slice:
Looks good, right? But it's not. It's terrible. Majorly undercooked, this slice hung like a limp dick when I folded it. The dough and the sauce were both WAY too sweet, and the slice itself was really unpleasantly heavy. I could tell with each bite that it was gonna weigh in my gut like a brick. I really started to bemoan the fact that Sweet Tooth wasn't around to help me finish it, because I can't stand to waste food. I begrudgingly got to the crust, which was totally awful-- undercooked, but dense. When I left I actually kicked a telephone pole and muttered "fuck that place" under my breath.
582 W 207th St
New York, NY 10034-2603
New York, NY 10034-2603
Hilarious review. But I'm afraid, you will encounter more pizzerias of this caliber than you had ever imagined.ReplyDelete
I miss St. Mark's Pizza :(ReplyDelete
Great review, but I'm a bit concerned over the "hung like a limp dick" comment. Great, now when I hoist a slice, I gotta think about it's resemblence to a penis....then again, that might help the diet out some.ReplyDelete
awesome blog, that place does suck!!ReplyDelete
this one's out of the park.ReplyDelete
If St. Marks is the standard bearer I've come to the right place. I loved that place.ReplyDelete