Well, after the total debacle that was Pizza Delia, I set my box of misbegotten photocopies I'd be hauling around on the curb, rolled a cigarette and debated real hard whether or not it was worth it to keep it up, or pack it in for the night. Because by now my mood was soured, but time was of the essence, because without Sweet Tooth sharing slices with me, I ran the risk of becoming full if I sat still too long. I checked my list, and there were two more pizzerias in between where I stood and the Dyckman A train stop, meaning that if I could stomach two more slices, next week I could start at Dyckman and not have to backtrack. With my resolve firmly in place, I resaddled my burden (is that even a phrase, to saddle one's burden? Because it was more like I was the pack mule in this case), and trooped down Broadway. In a moment of questionable luck, one of the places on my list seemed to have vanished without a trace. And as I approached the next place, Tony's Pizza and Gyro (be careful about the loud ass music on this ridiculous and amazing website), which beamed like a ray of sunshine look at this place:
That isn't an incorrect picture, we have yet another instance of awning/phonebook discrepancy. I was thrilled at the sight of this shithole. Then I walk in on this:
Except there's some old dude standing by himself behind the counter wearing a greasy Guitar Hero promotional baseball cap. I seriously thought I was in Heaven. They were playing Light FM! Every good pizzeria has the shittiest music. Always. So you can imagine I was pretty thrilled to get my pizza. I even didn't care that my slice was $2.50 because it was kind of on the big side. Here it is:
And boy, what a dispointment it was. Where to begin? This pizza had horrible ratios. Too much cheese, next to no sauce, too much dough. And the dough had fucking CORNMEAL all over the bottom, and because it was so overcooked, the cornmeal had all burned into this horrible textured, horrible tasting teutonic plate at the bottom of my slice. When I folded the crust this fucking thing snapped in half. Have you ever had a slice in the freezer, and you put it in the oven at 350 to defrost all slow-like, so it reheats evenly, and then you forget about it for like, 40 minutes instead of forgetting about it for 20 minutes? That's basically what happened to this pizza. It's inexscusable. The lack of sauce led to the whole slice being really dry, and the copious amounts of grease did not really help that situation, though grease is technically a liquid.
The only good thing about my experience eating this slice of pizza was that while I was doing it Sweet Tooth walked into the place blinking like a moleman, told me he lost his glasses in the ocean so he's been walking around half-blind, and that he just got off a subway train that was stopped in the tunnel filled with smoke so he thought there was a terrorist attack or something, and then he had been wandering around Inwood sticking his head into every pizza shop and giving people a description of me to see if I'd been there. And since that part of the experience was totally incidental and had nothing whatsoever to do with the quality of the pizza I was eating, I will give this slice 50 thumbs down. BOOOO!
Tony's Pizza & Gyro
New York, NY 10034
I think your wrong about this place I have eaten here for many years. It has been a pizza place for over 50 years. You probably went in on a bad day for them. There pizza is Fantastic, and all there other items. They support the neighboorhood and donated there fantastic pizza to school's in the area for high grade project's. I think you should try them again. You are wrong about them.ReplyDelete
I cannot believe you insulted Tony. You better not come back to inwood!! I fergot my wallet, and house key's. I ran out of the store while I was eating one of the best slices I had in my life. Perfect in everyway. I came back that night asking the guy's if they seen my stuff. They held it for me and EVERY SINGLE DOLLAR WAS IN MY WALLET!! That old dude protected my things and I was a stranger. They are the most kindest people you will ever meet and they work hard and they have the BEST pizza in the area. BLOW THIS GUY!! 8==DReplyDelete
I certainly appreciate the fondness and loyalty you folks have for this pizzeria, but that doesn't change the fact that the slice they served me totally sucked.ReplyDelete
The only thing I see that the slice harvester did wrong is that he put "BLOW ME" in the title. That is rude and was not called for. Everyone would agree from that remark alone his opinions on pizza mean NOTHING and probably hold no real truth.ReplyDelete
Yeah because my whole shtick is not being "rude."ReplyDelete
Look, I get that you feel slighted, and that sucks, but they served me a shitty slice. Get over it. The whole point of this is that I'm just some shmuck off the street, I walk in, I get a slice of pizza. Your favorite pizzeria didn't go above and beyond and sell a decent slice to a stranger. Doesn't change the fact that they give money to schools. My opinion really will most likely have absolutely no deleterious effect on their business. Hopefully after the harrowing experience an internet stranger disliking a pizzeria in your neighborhood, the community can regroup and move on.
Also, I'm not sure if you understood what I meant by "blow me." I meant "suck my dick."
You disrespectful piece of garbage who the HELL are YOU to talk like that to us in our neighboorhood? You dont know what good pizza is because your on crack. You do you spit or swallow? Damn bloger idiot.ReplyDelete
I can understand about the pizza. Fernando the old guy is great. He can make a wonderful gyro though!ReplyDelete
I just ordered from there I had a Bacon Cheesburger Pizza!!! It was out of this world. Big thumbs up to Tony's PIzzaReplyDelete
Look, everyone's got a different tongue. It's all a matter of opinion. If Tony's wasn't for you, it wasn't for you. But you will find that you are in the minority here...I've lived in Inwood all my life and mostly everyone I've known here has tried and loved Tony's pizza. But as I said, it's all a matter of opinion, and you're entitled to yours.ReplyDelete
Did you mean "tectonic plate"? Lol, cool review. I live in the nabe and couldn't agree more!ReplyDelete
I love the guy who suggests you should try them agin, hee hee.
Tony's Gyro Lovers Pizza pie and Buffalo chicken pizza pie is REAL GOOD.ReplyDelete
If you're going to try to be clever, at least spell "tectonic" correctly.ReplyDelete
I saw that piece.of shit on TV this slice harvester guy, what a loser, he is.pissed that he was not tipped enough as a busboy where he worked in a.pizzeria, so he took it upon himself to insult hard working small businesses. What a piece of shit. I never ate at this.place but I sure hope the.owner sues the last $5 dollars this asshole is worth. Simply white trash. I hope everyone you insulted puts a.major lawsuit on your ass.ReplyDelete