Wednesday, January 13, 2010

EuroPan: "I have been deliberating about how to write this all week."

Last Friday I had the pleasure of pizza-eating with Famous American Babe (of the 80's) Phoebe Cates, and her really smart and totally charming daughter Greta. How this came about is kind of a long story, but basically, not too long ago Greta emailed me and expressed interest in coming along for some slice harvesting with her mother. It was a totally great time and they are both super awesome, but not knowing that in advance, I invited my trusted friend and colleague Caroline Paquita along, in case things got weird, which they never really did, thank the stars. I am one of the most neurotic people I know, so I was just thinking of all kinds of ways it might be totally awkward.

Anyway, I've been feeling really self-conscious about how out of touch I am with today's Young People, mostly because as a teenage punk (see Figure 1) I totally thought I would be "doing it for the kids" or what have you until my death. Those fantasies all came crashing down a year or two ago when a brash youngster wearing multiple Bad Brains garments and drinking a Steel Reserve 40oz asked me, after seeing an old band of mine play in Tompkins Square Park, whether or not I had ever heard of Black Flag, and then suggested that perhaps if I listened to their music I would stop making "such gay emo songs." Oy vey. Point being, I was looking forward to spending a day hanging out with someone in High School. And let me just say, that after hanging out with Greta, I can only hope that the bulk of kids today are as quick-witted and with it as she is, though I have my doubts that that's possible.

Figure 1: My Grandmother and me at the World Bank Protests. Seattle, 1999.

What was I saying? You'll have to forgive me for my rambling tone. After what now seems like an Eternity of Darkness and Doubt, I am once again genuflecting at the altar of that Bitterest Bean, Madame Coffee, and I fear my prose may have gotten a little bit too Stream of Consciousness as a result. Such is life. Moving on: I also am genuinely befuddled about how to discuss eating pizza with FAB(ot80's) Phoebe Cates, because on the one hand I totally want to milk this for all the kitsch factor and the general weirdness that This Is What My Life Has Turned Into. But then on the other hand, she was this really nice lady who seems to have to deal with constantly deflecting the unwarranted attention of Weird Dudes who feel even more entitlement to bother her than a Regular Civilian Woman because she's Famous. Yikes. You are here to read about pizza, I know, but if you've been following this blog for more than a week, you know that you'll have to let me rant about the Patriarchy a little every now and again because in our Sick Fucking Society that is a real problem for a large swath of the population. In short, I am simply dealing with my befuddlement by discussing it's basis and hopefully that is good enough. (And Phoebes, dahling, if anything I've said is not to your liking, have your people call my people and we can talk it out over a slice.) But enough of this nonsense! On to the pizza.

We all met up on the corner of 86th and Lex, right outside EuroPan Pizza, which you may recall my dear friend Nate and I decided to forgo a few days earlier because it didn't look too great. Greta and Phoebe, however, are much braver than me and Nate, and they persuaded me and Caroline to go in anyway.

First impressions were still the same, this looked like a mediocre yuppie shithole. However, I noticed this time, and realized that last time as well, the place was PACKED. There was nowhere to sit. Phoebe, Greta, Caroline and I had to stand around awkwardly and eat our slices at the ordering counter because there just wasn't any room. All the tables were taken up by folks who seems to be genuinely enjoying their food. As soon as we walked in, Phoebe started talking to the lady working the cash register, because she recognized her from working at another pizzeria in the neighborhood as well, and I thought, "here is a woman who cares about pizza!" She ordered us some slices and we hunkered down as best we could to dig in.

This slice crackled really nicely when I folded it. The dough has a nice crunch on the bottom while still being pretty fluffy on top. The cheese tasted good if not AMAZING, and the sauce wasn't super spiced and in your face. The ratios were fantastic as well, and it was cooked perfectly. This is a total sleeper slice. The place facade and atmosphere in the place tell me STAY AWAY, but the slice is beckoning me to return. I would totally eat a slice here again, this shit was pretty good.

EuroPan Pizza Cafe - $2.75
1276 Lexington Avenue
New York, NY 10028


  1. I've been waiting all week for this post. Not disapointed!

  2. i don't think i've ever read that positive of a slice review

  3. oh, just FYI, drop dead fred is one of my favorite movies ever! in case you don't own it, contact me and we can make a night of drop dead fred and awesome pizza.

  4. Worst pizza in new york. Replaced one of the best pizza places on 86th St., in Pizza Pasta, or dating even further back in B&T Supreme. Pizza seems as if it were frozen, or processed pizza, with every slice looking the same, having no distinguished taste. The pizza has a cardboard and is nothing close to what New York Pizza is or should be.

  5. My apologies for the typos and incorrect grammar in my previous post. I posted this wasted but that does not mean my commentary of the pizza is any less true. Europan is one of the worst pizza places in New York and offers the same pizza you can find anywhere in the world. As a dislocated New Yorker living in Los Angeles, I can assure you real New York pizza is very hard to come by elsewhere in this country, and Europan is the type of garbage you'll find at any airport from JFK to LAX.

  6. I love this place. When you fold the slice over, you get this great big melted cheesy lava thingy, which is perfect. And while I don't care about ambiance, I do like sitting (if I can get a seat) right by the window so I can watch the people walking up and down the stairs to the subway. What a show! Great counter help...vry friendly. A nice vibe to this place. Check it out.