Monday, January 18, 2010

UES Pizza Double Feature: Pisa Pizza & Bagels / Two Boots

Pisa Pizza & Bagels - $2.50
1461 3 Avenue
New York, NY 10028

I had an immediate affinity for this place because it shares a name with the pizzeria in Chattanooga that my friend Heather works at, and I've spent many hours there eating pizza and huge salads and playing Elvira pinball. However, unlike Pisa in Chattanooga, TN, this place totally sucks and has no redeeming qualities at all.

This dough didn't seem to have any salt at all, it had way too much cornmeal. Phoebe said it tasted like "airport pizza," which I wouldn't know about because I always bring snacks to the airport, but I will take her word for it, she seems trustworthy. And what am I talking about "always" bring snacks to the airport? I have flown in a plane like, six times in my adult life, although I guess that could be considered a lot. ANYWAY! This slice was totally shitty and the cooks here decided to pair their shitty slice with an utterly miserable crust. The Worst. Ugh, I am getting mad just thinking about it.

Check out what happened to Greta's slice after she folded it, once again it is one of those instances where your slice of pizza looks like someone getting the skin on their face peeled off in a Ren and Stimpy cartoon.


Two Boots UES - $2.50 - Good Slice!
1617 2nd Ave
New York, NY 10028

A few years ago I used to eat quite a bit of free Two Boots pizza from their East Village location. Between dumpstering and knowing people that worked there, I probably ate a Two Boots slice once a week for a year. However, in all that time, I don't think I ever bothered to try their plain slice because they have all those rad, wild combos. Like, I'm pretty sure they have a slice with sausage, broccoli rabe and banana peppers. Maybe I'm thinking of somewhere else, though. Either way, I got a regular slice this time.

Like I said, I've always had a fondness for Two Boots pizza and so it was a pleasure to finally try their plain slice. And I'll say this: it wasn't a let down. All the ingredients are great quality. It was cooked perfectly, rendering it just crisp enough and just warm enough to really satisfy me. The thing is, I'm not sure what it is, maybe the ingredients are TOO GOOD, but this doesn't really taste like a New York slice to me. This tastes like when you are out of town, say in Athens, Ga, and your friends say, "Come try this pizza place, it's really good!" And you think, "Bullshit, no way can it be good." But then you get there, and the pizza is delicious, but totally different from a New York slice, though that's obviously what it's based on. Did that make sense? I will eat at the various Two Bootses for time immemorial, but if I have a friend in from outta town who wants to try a New York slice we'll skip this place.


  1. The Two Boots in Grand Central is a horror, nothing like the one I use to go to in the East Village.

  2. Colin,

    Pisa Pizza in Chattanooga is a wonderful place to hang out most of the time because they play Bob Mould there, but I refuse to call what they sell "pizza". It is fine to eat on occasion while trying to ward off a blackout, but as a hungover New Yorker visiting a place where people drink my weight in beer daily, I cannot believe they are alive, not on account of all the beer, but on account of the terrible pizza. AND the salad has cheese on it! Ew! Keep your cheese off my salad and keep your "pizza" free, if I have to eat it at all.

    Blah blah blah!


  3. one time at pisa pizza they brought a drunken tom foote his check because they wanted him to leave. he took the check, crumpled it up, stuffed it in his mouth, chewed it up two times, and spit it back at his server before passing out in the booth. that was hilarious. pizza was horrible though.

  4. two boots = the worst pizza i had in manhattan.

    1. You clearly need to stop your medications. Or you've had a stroke. Or your taste buds are simply dead. Two Boots is still the best executed pizza I've had in the city thus far. And I can appreciate the great sauce from this one, or the perfect crunch of crust from that one, but Two Boots has it all around, and all their locations (can't say I've tried Grand Central, though) are great.