Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Empire Pizza: "COME WITH IT NOW!"

Before we really get in to what exactly is going on over here at Empire Pizza, can we pause for a moment to do like Paulie in the above photo and check out their stunning logo:

I really like everything that's going on there. It is always pleasant when a food store takes a picture of the food they sell and puts a crown on it for their logo. Although I have to admit, I wish the logo looked a little more evil. I am pretty much the worst artist ever, but I am imagining something a little more like this:

There could be some kind of Robin Hood pizza good guy or something. Or maybe it's like a play on those Pizza Hut commercials from the early 90s where the pizza slice puppet was always partying and then the pizza slicer puppet would show up and fuck him up. Except this time, the pizza slicer is Robin Hood and he keeps trying to capture the evil Pizza Emperor and cut him up and redistribute him to the hungry villagers. Speaking of Pizza Hut commercials of yesteryear starring weird puppets, remember this one where Rush Limbaugh talks about stuffed crust pizza?

If there really is an evil Pizza Emperor, maybe they should just make this the logo:

They could get Rage Against The Machine back together to write a jingle. But anyway, the pizza!

This slice was sloppy in a way that I really appreciate, although it wasn't exactly all that good. The first bite was AMAZING, but somewhere around the middle the slice got to have too much cheese and became super soggy and NASTY, at which point I angrily scrawled, "this would be better if it was a cone" in my notes. Towards the end it got better again, though it was never as good as the first bite. Overall, this slice was TOO fluffy and too cheesy, but the sauce was good.


Empire Pizza - $2.50
314 5th Ave (31st & 32nd)
New York, NY 10016


  1. this is your best post! very creative! and the poor photoshop skilz only add to the hilarity! :) --Ra

  2. I know you only review plain slices but if I may comment on this place's specialty slices; They are overpriced, and they suck. I've only felt ripped-off after eating here. -Tom

  3. I had the best pizza I've ever tasted here! Tho I'm from Northern-Europe and they don't make good pizza here so that might have something to do with it. There was a lot of cheese indeed! Couldn't eat two slices :D

  4. Loved the first artwork!
    Adorably evil!
    I'd go.