Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Exclusive Pizza: "Death to Exclusive Pizza, Long live the new flesh."

Exclusive Pizza looked like crap. I was totally unenthused right off the bat. I don't know why, but there was just a gut feeling that the pizza here wasn't going to be very good at all. But a guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do, right?

So I sucked it up, ordered a slice and paid my $2.00 for it. When it came and I was carrying it back to the table, the pockmarked texture of the burnt cheese reminded me of James Woods' grimacing visage, masturbating his new belly-vagina with a pistol in Videodrome.  As soon as I got to the table and set the slice down, Matty B took a look at it and commented that it looked pretty good, which means nothing because he's from California. 

The slice tasted about as good as it looked.  The cheese was burnt.  The dough was too thick, and dry, and hard as a rock.  Cristy said it tasted like Yo Mama's Pizza in Sarasota, Fl, which apparently sucks.  Matty didn't say anything, I think because he was embarrassed that he said it looked good in the first place. 
Exclusive Pizza
810 W 181st St
New York, NY 10033


  1. Am I the only one reading the signs here? That thing clearly says there's blow available. And you went there for pizza?

  2. actually, that was pretty funny

  3. "which means nothing because he's from California" Yes! have you tried this crap out here?

  4. ha! i'm glad you finally checked this out, Greg! i'm gonna put these out as 'best of' zines (the best of the writing, not necessarily the pizza), every month or two, so i'll mail you one.