Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Pizza Double Feature: El Pique Pizza y Flaco's Pizza

El Pique Pizza
3887 Broadway
New York, NY 10032

I am lumping these two places together because they're across the street from each other, and they are both totally unexciting. Me and Eric went here after Famiglia, and knew, almost right away that it was gonna stink. Undercooked slice, with practically no sauce. The dough was so sweet the crust tasted like a pastry. Bad slice, nothing more to say, really.

The slice did come on one of those metal trays that I love, though. And not that this has any bearing either way, but the end of it kind of looks like when those weirdo, mall goth, body mod people get a lizard tongue.


3876 Broadway
New York, NY 10032

After our totally lacklustre experience with El Pique we didn't have the highest expectations in the world for Flaco's. Which was right across the street.

I love that Eric reps that Sammy's Roumanian shirt so hard. I went there the first time when I was 13 for my grandparent's 50th Anniversary and I try to go at least once a year now that I'm an adult because that place is the SHIT. Anyway, we walked in and were immediately confronted by some of the most wild looking pizzas I've ever seen.

The pineapple/pineapple and ham slices are one thing. But look at that pile of minced broccoli on top of that green slice. And then the one with the whole can of mushrooms dumped on it?! Even the chicken slice looks weird. It reminded me of that Pizza-La commercial that's been floating around the internet for a while. Luckily were eating plain slices.

Looks like crap, tastes like crap. Eric got his and bit into before me and immediately muttered, "horrible," under his breath, just couldn't control himself. This slice was dry as a bone, and covered in cheap flavorless cheese, so it basically just tasted like mediocre bread. Somehow, despite that, it still managed to be too sweet. And the cheese was this weird solid mass that was thick and congealed. I feel like the cheese on this slice could be used by a scrappy and industrious mouse as the sail of the tiny boat he is constructing to make his way out of the city to track down his true love in a children's movie. Basically, this slice stinks.


  1. i live near both these places and yes, they both blow.

  2. it looks like the pizza they serve at birthday parties at leaping lizards or discovery zone.

  3. aw man...that poor mouse. that poor poor mouse. and i'm sure he's gonna sing a song to the moon about it, because that's what mice do in children's movies when they're at a complete loss of how to go foward with their lives.

  4. I honestly believe other wise because from my experience, Flaco's pizza deserves far more credit than you're giving him. Although I've never tasted El Pique Pizza I know for a fact that Flaco's slices are one of the best and you can bet your ass many that live around that general area would agree.