Thursday, September 24, 2009

"Mi Gente, Slice Harvester Triple Play Is IN THE HOUSE"

Basement Pizza & Restaurant - $2.00
1343 Amsterdam Ave
New York, NY 10027


Basement Pizza looks like a Dick Tracy comic on the outside and feels like a David Lynch film on the inside.

While sitting in there I witnessed a toddler, sucking on a fountain soda, staring vacantly with those creepy devil-eyes children get when they're oversugared but worn out, stuffing wadded up pieces of paper up his nose and in his mouth and hair. I was only distracted from the demon-trance the kid was putting me into by a guy who came in and tried to sell me a watch.

The guys behind the counter were attentive but distrustful, the kind of demeanor you want in a good pizzaman, or diner proprietor. Because that's the thing about Basement Pizza, it's like, half amazing greasy spoon and half crappy pizzeria. And with that, on to the slice:

The bread was great. The dough was prepared perfectly and tasted delicious. The sauce was a horrid mess, though. Tasted way more like marinara than pizza sauce, if that makes sense. It was super salty and garlicky in a really unpleasant way, which made it way overpowering, so I couldn't even taste the cheese. The crust was good but nothing to write home about.

I want to spend all day hanging out in this place because it's a weird vortex of bizarre shit. However, next time I come, and there will be a next time, I'm gonna get a burger or some eggs or something.


Presidential Pizza - $2.25
357 W 125th St
New York, NY 10027

By far the worst pizza I've had yet. It sucks to be inside this place and the food sucks even more.

This slice was burnt and dry. It felt like there was no sauce because the sauce had all evaporated during the slice's forty days and forty nights in the pizza oven, but it had left behind an overwhelming amount of crappy sauce flavor. The crust might've been okay if it hadn't been cooked so crappy and the cheese tasted like chemicals. Don't bother with this place.

Funnily enough, as James and I were eating our slice and discussing how disgusting it was, we noticed a sign below the registerthat claimed that "Presidential Pizza was voted the best slice in America on Yahoo." Okay, whatever. But now, scroll up and click on the link I posted up there for the place and look at the reviews.

I have never seen a larger quantity of more poorly written fake reviews in my life! These are an incredible body of work and whoever wrote them should get whatever the equivalent of a Pullitzer is for people who write fake reviews to boost their own business.

"Just thinking about it makes my mouth watered."
"Presidential Pizza has the best pizza in the Universe!"
"NYC has the best
pizza in the planet. Presidential Pizza is the best in NYC."

Nasa Pizzeria - $2.25
471 Malcolm X Blvd
New York, NY 10037

This place had a really good atmosphere. No tables and just a long counter. They had like, 30 different flavors of fruit punch and the guys behind the counter were really nice. The pizza was weird, though.

Looks decent, adequately greasy and the bread was okay if a little on the bland side and slightly undercooked. I couldn't taste the sauce at all because they cheese tasted WEIRD. Like, it was extra pungent and sharp, didn't taste like mozzarella, although it looked like mozzarella. This is obviously a Halal joint and I am wondering if, like Kosher pizza, Halal pizza necessarily has different ingredients and will never be as good. Thinking back on this slice, I recall it fondly, but I definitely wrote "I DO NOT like this," in my notes from the other day.


  1. Those Presidential Pizza reviews are so over the top fake. Wow. Looks like you had a bad day out there. You gotta get downtown. The 80s on the West Side at least.

    At this pace, if you're going to try for all 5 boroughs, you might not be done until the 2020s.

  2. Those reviews for Presidential are sooo bankrupt. There is clearly no actual referent for being "voted" the "best slice in America," as stated by the sign posted, which does seem to point to some suspicious fake-ballot-box stuffing.

  3. basement pizza is such a strange place. I just went there and it blew my mind. oddly enough, my slice was bad in the complete opposite way that yours was bad. you said it was too salty, mine wasn't salty enough. i think this was actually my first time adding salt to a slice in my entire life. i bet their fried chicken is really good, if it is anywhere near as greasy as the floors and counters are.

  4. Clicked on the link and saw this newer review of Presidential:

    A coin in the dough !!!‎‎
    By Stefanie - Mar 3, 2010
    We recently ordered 3 Pizzas from Presidential's at my office. Believe it or not but one of my colleagues almost broke his tooth when he bit on a quarter !!! Yes, a coin in the pizza dough !!! We took a picture, called Presidential's and instead of apologizing and immediately refunding us, they asked us to give them what was left over of the pie back in order to get refunded. That was ridiculous and the pizzas were not even tasty to be honest.‎