Monday, November 16, 2009

Francesco Pizza: "Like many of the men on the Upper West Side, this slice is boring and doughy."

Francesco Pizza is absolutely charming on the inside. It's pretty simple looking, seems like it's unsuccessfully limping towards looking "classically classy" but actually just looks like when you make an average thirteen year old wear a suit for his friend's Bar Mitzvah. There's all these framed pictures on the walls, but half of them are hung crooked, and the decor is tacky, but therein lies the charm. Which is to say, the charm is certainly not in the pizza.

There is not much to say about this slice. It's really obvious that these people care about using quality ingredients, and it shows. The sauce tastes great, the cheese has a fantastic flavor. The dough doesn't taste like anything, which means it's poorly made but not cheap. This slice felt undercooked and underloved. I've done a lot of working with children in my life, and you can often easily tell if a kid is a little sniveling shit because he's not getting attention at home or if he's a little sniveling shit because he was born that way. In the former instance, you want to empathize, because you can see the insecurities being acted out and it's heartbreaking, but at the end of the day, the kid is still a little sniveling piece of shit. And like, maybe this slice needed someone to care about it more, but at the end of the day it was still bland and doughy.

Francesco Pizza - $2.50
186 Columbus Ave
New York, NY 10023


  1. i think you're being too kind to this place - I have never had a good slice here, ever. The only reason for going is when Rigoletto is closed. And FYI - as you seem not to be a UWS native - all the men there are actually fascinating and are also totally ripped.

  2. This Upper West Side man takes umbrage at your characterization of the fine examples of masculinity my neighborhood provides. The pizza I could care less about. But the men — well, your headline will no doubt get some rather crusty responses.