New Roma Pizza: "Awful pizza, wonderfully bad vibes."

 

New Roma Pizza! I have moderately-disliked to hated this place for going on 14 years now. Back then I used to come here because they had a $1.00 slice when everyone else was $1.50. In those days my commitment was to Cheaper Things, rather than Better Things. That extra 50¢ left me 49¢ away from getting ANOTHER Hurricane 40oz! Who can pass that up. I met my old buddy Kever outside New Roma on a rainy Friday morning, and as we ordered our slice, we reminisced some about past days. As we sat down in the window, Kever said to me, "I hate the future."
"What makes you say that?" I asked.
"Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's this slice I'm about to eat, maybe it's the Chipotle BBQ Bacon Angus McSnack Wrap advertisement I'm looking at across the street while I drink my Vitamin Water Formula 50, but something's making me hate the future."
And if the triumvirate of dreary weather, fastfood monoculture, gangsta rap nutritional drinks didn't put Kever over the edge into the existential hellzone, then the shitty slab they serve as a slice at New Roma certainly did.

I think this pizza has been waiting under the counter at New Roma since the first time I walked in there in 1997. This slice tasted so old and was nasty! It barely held together, had a layer of totally raw dough, pretty much no sauce, and the cheese tasted like chemicals. Fuck! This is awful. As we were sitting there, the guy behind the counter shouted to some dude, "yo vinny, you lookin' to get fuckin' deported, bro? I know people. I'll have ya ass thrown outta here so fast..." As Vinny got up and lumbered towards the register, me and Kever took our cue to leave. Hopefully this is the last time I will ever make the mistake of eating at New Roma.

Rating:


New Roma - $2.25
116 Delancey St (at Essex)
New York, NY 10002