Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Nonna's Pizza: "Don't do me like that."

The last time I ate at Nonna's Pizza was almost exactly a year ago, and it was also with Kever. It was on St Patrick's day 2010, after I had spent the afternoon at Kever's grandmoster's apartment ('sup Winny!) and then a bulk of the evening walking the streets with Kev drinking bottles of port like total scumbags. By the time we got to Nonna's we were wasted, and belligerent and very surprised that we weren't standing in front of Mama's, which used to be in the same spot.

"whaahappent?" I slurred to Kever.
Shoulder shrug.

So we did. And I recall finishing our port and opening a beer on the apex of the Williamsburg bridge, rhapsodizing about the supreme justice of a world where a pizza parlor named after my mother, would be renamed after my friend Rudi's grandmother but still serve up a wonderful slice.

And so as we approached Nonna's, I had high hopes for our eating experience. The first jarring moment came when I saw the building's facade. The fake brick awning and corny logo threw me for a loop. This place had none of the charm of Mama's and I could swear it didn't look like this last year. I walked in and saw the pizzaman busy assembling a turkey hero. Were my eyes fooling me? Why was this guy touching cold cuts? What is this, a deli? But no, that's just what they do here these days. I asked him about the awning and he said it had been like that for a year and a half at least. I guess I just didn't notice last time because I was two sheets to the wind.

I wanted to like this slice so badly! It's all I really wanted. But instead this slice just let me down. No sauce to speak of, not totally disappointing but nor especially good cheese, and crust with a decent enough crunch but no structural intergrity! Fuck! I am so mad just thinking about it!

A few bites in it just ruptured and split. It looked like when there is like, an earthquake in He-Man or that awesome old X-Men cartoon and the ground splits apart in jagged chunks and there is swirling pools of brackish lava desperately licking the walls of the precipice. That stuff is cool in cartoons, but not on my pizza.

And the whole place had this heinous steam punk vibe that was so stupid. Brick walls with new-old timey looking paintings and exposed pipes and there was no music and according to Kever, "all you can hear is that ominous howling sound. It give you the feel of the desolate relic of what this place once was. I'm waiting for a tumbleweed to go by."

Ultimately this shit was such a let down. Fuck. Another one bites the dust.


Nonna's Pizza - $2.00
105 Clinton St (Delancey and Rivington)
New York, NY 10002

1 comment:

  1. "a desolate relic, a shell of what this place once was"