Thursday, March 24, 2011

Ciao Bella Pizzeria: "This place sucks!"

Ciao Bella is a funny place. It's really cutesy on the inside in this way that is vaguely charming but simultaneously totally insipid. Kind of reminds me of spots in the West Village in the 90s when I would go visit my Aunt and Uncle on Hudson St. It's remarkably like Hell's Kitchen Pizza, actually, except Rev. Horton Heat runs this place instead of Rob Zombie. If you're unfamiliar with Rev Horton Heat, he is like an even worse Mike Ness. Anyway, think more Tiki Bar Hot Rod Convention and less Hot Topic Hot Rod Convention. I accidentally wrote "Hot Rob Convention" back there for one of those, but I think if someone actually hosted that contest, we'd have to just give the prize to a young Robert Zombie. What a babe he was!

This slice was nasty. Nyasty, even. Everyone was pretty excited for some reason. I don't know why, but it there was this air of expectation and hope, despite everything. Like when you've been stuck at the side of the highway for days trying to catch a ride somewhere but you're with someone you enjoy spending time with and sure, maybe you guys are fighting about cigarettes or something, and there's no rides and the cops have hassled you twice, but you know you're gonna make it to Kansas City in time to run into Black Rainbow on tour and see all your friends. That was the kind of hope we felt in this place, lord only knows why. And you know what this slice was like, this slice was like waking up that next day, after the day of hope against hope, and realizing that you're gonna have to spend your last money on a bus ticket because there are no rides EVER AGAIN and your friend is a worthless scumbag who would sell you out for a half pack of Top Menthol. This slice was tiny, tasted like corn syrup, and had the stingiest, practically nonexistent crust. It had a decent crunch, but that was ALL it had going for it. Maybe the cheese or dough tasted good, but all I could taste was the shitty saccharine sauce. Stay away from here.


Ciao Bella Pizzeria - $2.45
125 Allen St (Delancey and Rivington)
New York, NY 10002