In my post about Mama's, I already discussed the sweet, succulent irony of eating copious amounts of pizza with Caroline Paquita, my primary medical resource (today, for instance, I was sick and she brought me over a mullein, yarrow, nettle and elderberry tincture. Big ups, girl!), but what was previously a thin single layer of irony, we'll call it a Matzoh of Irony, was transformed into a veritable Baklava of Irony, (a delicate, many layered treat) when we went to Cafe Viva, an organic pizzeria.
Now, I am a total wingnut and eat all kinds of weird things. I brew my own kombucha, I'm trying to learn a bunch of home fermenting, I drink tinctures and chew roots and shit like a motherfucker. I do these things because they make my body feel good. However, so does eating a Mr. Goodbar or a canoli every now and again. And while a Mr. Goodbar or canoli would probably be improved with the addition of higher quality organic ingredients, pizza is something that is never going to be exceptionally good for you, and it seems like a bunch of bullshit to try and make it so. This is just a totally ridiculous West Coast yuppie, consumer-culture, Buy Green! bumpersticker, I Vote with my Dollars, half-assed way for tepid liberals to placate their consciences and still "indulge." Fuck all that. First of all, while "buying green" is cool and the fact that it's now a yuppie status symbol to use your own grocery bags is kind of awesome, it's not addressing the larger issues of how our culture of consumption and the general social norms are unhealthy for people's minds and for the planet. Secondly, you can be totally healthy and sometimes eat unhealthy things! We live in a world rife with grey areas. It's not like you have to either eat only quinoa and keefer or Big Macs and Cokes. You can totally be some weird ass yoga hippy and still have a slice of goddamn pizza every now and again. And this brings us to our third reason everything about this place is bullshit: the pizza sucks! If you're gonna "indulge" in some shit, shouldn't it actually be good? Some people need to learn how to fucking live right, is all I'm saying.
Good things first: the sauce was phenomenal. I say go organic all the way when it comes to vegetables products! Tasted great. The cheese tasted like crap, though, and so did the dough. And the texture was one of the worst Pizza in a Cup-ass, soupy, mushy, Pizza puree travesties ever inflicted upon my poor, pathetic palette. I said it already, but this pretend healthy, Amy's Organic style living is for the birds. Just eat pizza one day and the next day eat some fresh kale and barley. Don't ruin your healthy food and your junk food by trying to combine them.
Man, sorry to get so vitriolic, y'all, but I am very passionate about pizza.
Cafe Viva Natural Pizza
New York, NY 10025