Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Tito's Pizzeria: "Everything is different, but the same... things are more moderner than before... bigger, and yet smaller... it's computers..."

Tito's Pizzeria Restaurant. What a pleasant fucking surprise this place was! I didn't think it was going to be good. Tito's Pizzeria Restaurant is enormous on the inside, and then there's this HUGE outside patio, where me and Bill eventually ate. The decor made me feel like there should've been a Bar Mitzvah party going on in there. Like, it wouldn't have been out of place if we could hear a DJ playing "Celebrate" and there were a bunch of tweens wearing ill-fitting dress clothes hanging dancing around with inflatable electric guitars in their hands. Of course, my steez back when I was Bar Mitzvah age, was to find the cool cousin with the nose ring who was like reeeaaaallllly old, like 17, and get them to smoke pot with me. I just remembered that one time a hired Bar Mitzvah dancer showed me his cock ring! It was totally non-sexual and was just the crazy Gen. X moment where he was like, "dude.... you can pierce anything!" and I was all, "wooooaaaah." That shit is super profound for a stoned thirteen year old.

So anyway, Tito's looks like there should be a Bar Mitzvah going on in there, but there obviously wasn't because nobody got me stoned and showed me their dick, that's the point. Here's the totally excellent thing about this place, aside from weirdo David Lynch ambience: the pizza is only $1.50 a slice and is decent! This is unheard of. My mind was seriously blown. But apparently, when you walk through the door of Tito's you step into a time portal that takes you back to 1999, which is another perk. Pizza tastes better knowing that September 11th hasn't happened yet.

This slice has excellent ratios, a good amount of grease, decent ingredients and was cooked so as to achieve a great CRUNCH when bitten into. It is structurally sound and not at all floppy, so you could easily eat it while walking without making a mess. Of the crust, Bill had this to say: "At least there's not a lot of it." There is nothing to complain about, but nothing taste or texture-wise makes this slice exceptional. However, it is $1.50 and you get to use a time machine, so that is pretty special or something.

Tito's Pizzeria & Restaurant
2049 2nd Ave
New York, NY 10029


  1. Slice had a decent crust, but was lacking in sauce and cheese. I guess they have to be frugal at $1.50 a slice. Triangle Pizza a block away was worth the extra 50c.

  2. at me and my sisters b'nai mitzvah my best friend gave me a zip lock bag with two huge blunts in it.

  3. "Pizza tastes better knowing that September 11th hasn't happened yet."

    this was posted at 9:11 am