Friday, February 26, 2010

Vinci's: "I'll take Manhattan in a garbage bag with Latin written on it that says 'it's hard to give a shit these days.'"

Vinci's is literally the shittiest pizzeria I've been to thus far. Excuse the easy joke, but seriously, take a look at that awning. There is a line between being unconcerned with convention regarding personal odor or clothing-dirtiness and being so filthy you get a butt rash and footrot and people are like, "Dude, come on! This isn't even about 'Fuck Society' anymore, this is about your own health!" I have lived on both sides of that line, and trust me, there is nothing punk about having a yeast infection on your taint. And much like scaly grundle-skin is not the whole of the problem, but symptomatic of the colony of Candida Yeast festering within, so too, Vinci's doodie-strewn awning hinted at greater ills lurking behind the doors.

Here are my notes on this stupid slice, verbatim:
• Weirdness. What's going on?
• I hate this pizza.
• I am so mad right now.
• "This slice is shittier than that awning." -Wes

Perhaps a reader can help me elucidate the following: there is a certain type of chicken slice that has been frequently dumpsterable for the past ten years, at least. From Woodlawn to Wall Street, Flatbush to Fluahing, I have found these slices wherever pizza is tossed away like rubbish. I imagine it so ubiquitously inhabits the trash because it is universally loathed yet cooked anyone. Someone lobbying for this pizza has pretty heavy influence, so I'm guessing it's part of a Freemason plot of some sort. Regardless of Masonic plotting, this pizza is characterized by a floppy consistency, orange color and a slightly vinegary flavor. Luckily they had a pie at Vinci's so here is a visual aid:

Whatever it's called, the plain slice at Vinci's had the same horrible flavor. Wes, who is a cook, said that it tasted like they accidentally poured the wrong spices into the sauce, but despite both of our well-trained tongues, we couldn't figure out what the hell the flavor was. No matter. The fact remains that Vinci's is a blemish on the face of the pizza community and if you want to remain proactive in maintaining our community's dignity, stay away!


Vinci's - $2.50
1122 1st Avenue
New York, NY 10065


  1. maybe they put RedHot in the pizza sauce... looks likes it on the chicken...

  2. Liking the Lou Reed references...

    Big Dan

  3. ha this was my local place for 3 years. I would only ever eat the grandma slice.

  4. That's the ubiquitous 'buffalo chicken' slice, with pieces of overcooked chicken drowned in a 'Buffalo' sauce ala 'Buffalo Wings', which were supposedly invented in Buffalo, NY, the sauce being defined by some combination of hot sauce and butter. Now you get it dried in a package, and it seems like they're mixing it with maybe mayonnaise or some other dairy-like substance to cut the the spice.

    It seems like this slice has shown up EVERYWHERE in the last couple years, like somehow the pizza shops all started buying from the same frozen-food warehouse that every single Chinese restaurant orders from. Always bad, without exception. If you do try one, make sure the sauce looks like it only consists of Tobasco and butter.

  5. You are wrong and biased on so many levels. How dare you describe this pizzeria that way. This innocent and delicious family owned restaurant is the absolute greatest pizza I have ever had. The only reason you would ever say anything like this is because you were mad at them for some reason. I speak from experience in saying that this pizzeria is, no WAS the greatest in the entire world. Yes, it went out of business not long ago. Probably because of you. You put that family's life business out of business.