Monday, September 13, 2010

USA Pizza: "The Pizza of America"

USA Pizza was a funny place. It was kind of subterranean, as in, it was down some steps, and it was cavernous. It had a great vibe, barring the fact that there was a TV on playing Family Guy, a show which I have never seen an episode of that didn't contain a rape joke, but I will pretend it was an accident, as there was another television playing Univision. Based on the awning, which just said, "PIZZA RESTAURANT," we were unsure of what the name of this establishment was until we got inside and saw the menu.

I am pretty much your standard grown-folks anarcho-punk and think America kind of sucks. Although I think that with a much more nuanced perspective than I did when I was fifteen and I was writing poetry about Mike Eisner and Phil Knight building and climbing a ladder to the heavens, that was LITERALLY constructed out of the bodies of Third World Laborers, in which I wrote the word AmeriKKKa no less than two dozen times. My perspective now is more appreciative of the privilege I am afforded by living here while still being totally critical of the cost of that privilege in actual human lives elsewhere. I digress. The point is, even though I am a godless commie jew anarchist who hates Freedom and wants to turn your children gay, I still really appreciate something about this pizzeria just being called "USA." And I am especially charmed by their slogan, "The Pizza of America," because it was obviously thought up by a non-native English speaker. In one of the many paradoxes of my personality, while I find patriotic sentiments by Red Blooded, True Blue, Lily White Americans totally distasteful, I am absolutely delighted by joyous expressions of appreciation from recent immigrants. What can I say, I think I am just totally into seeing people be happy.

I was really ready to be equally charmed by this slice of pizza, but sadly, it wasn't the greatest. It was cooked well, and the dough and crust were excellent--tasty and crunchy. But the sauce and cheese fell just shy of the mark. The cheese was decent quality, but there was either too much of it or too little of it on the slice, like when you get a pie to go and it's blazing hot and the cheese slides around all over the place. Except this slice had been stationary in the pizzeria all day, so I don't know what that was about. And the sauce was a little bit too watery and insubstantial, but it didn't taste bad. Ultimately this place is maybe not worth a trip but if you're walking by and in the mood for a slice, it's not necessarily a bad option, and at $2.00, it's definitely priced compellingly.


USA Pizza - $2.00
530 2nd Ave (29th & 30th)
New York, NY 10016


  1. this place 5 and firehouse 1/2...good thing you have your own website because you will never get a job as a pizza critic.