Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Bravo Pizza: "Han shot first."

As is evidenced by the "we cater corporate" sign, Bravo Pizza is operated by sellouts and will have to be destroyed before the Rev.

This Bravo Pizza looks a little less cool and a little less weird that the last Bravo Pizza which I went to with my pal Jeffrey Lewis. It's decorated the same, cool looking old wooden panels, hall of mirrors shit and tons of neon. But the room was bigger so where the other Bravo made me feel like I was in a dive bar on Tattooine, this one was just kind of meh. In the other place, the cramped space, in conjunction with the neon and mirrors, made this illusion of infinity that was actually quite claustrophobic. An oppressive falsity, an image of space and room to breathe that is so transparently false it is offensive. This place, there actually was plenty of space and room to breathe, so it wasn't really an issue. And if it's not clear, I find that particular kind of claustrophobic, oppressive setting preferable to the mundanely comfortable.

Like the first Bravo, this slice wasn't very good and it was once again because of low-quality ingredients. This slice tasted like crappy canned kids pasta, some unhealthy, brainkilling, Chef Bo Yar Dee bullshit. Matt said the bottom tasted like a saltine. He was quick to add, "and I'm from New England, I LOVE saltines," though that didn't help him love this pizza. It was a real test, because I was concerned Jacob and these two Terribles, despite their impeccable credentials, were going to fail me as pizza reviewers. My fear mostly stemmed from something that Mike told me at Pronto, he was talking about the time that he and a friend ate at every pizzeria in Worcester (a project I only learned about after the inception of Slice Harvester. Great minds, yadda yadda bararar), and he concluded that he didn't really dislike any of the pizza. "It's kind of like the movies, because I just like being at the movies. It doesn't really matter what kind of movie it is. Same goes for pizza. I'm usually just glad that I'm eating pizza." This statement was obviously a cause for concern on my part. Were these three boys so smitten with the slice that they would fail to recognize when it was flawed? Luckily, they can tell when a slice sucks and everyone in the group was unimpressed by Bravo's crappy wares. As opposed to Bravo's Crappy Warez, the website I used visit when I was thirteen, hosted by famous "hacker" Bravo, where I could download bots that would automatically type out ASCII art of boners into aol chat rooms.

One really cool thing Bravo had going on was the availability of "Pizza Packets," these little pocket-sized packets of pizza seasonings. On the back of each packet is a pizza fact, or "pizzoid". According to Pizzoid #110, "Americans consume about 100 acres of pizza each day." Put that on your slice and eat it.


Bravo Pizza - $2.50
1367 Broadway (36th & 37th)
New York, NY 10018

1 comment:

  1. Pizza packets rock, i started seeing them everywhere.