Friday, June 11, 2010

Pronto Pizza: "At least I got drunk."

Pronto Pizza on Broadway is almost certainly related to Pronto Pizza & Beer on W 48th ST and possibly related to Pronto Pizza, down the block from PP&B. If you recall, those places were very confusing because they were on the same block, had very similar names, and looked and felt like weird opposites, but opposites in the way that like, a white ninja and a black ninja are "opposites" but they're actually both ninjas and so they're way more similar than either of them is to a cowboy or like, an alien.

I can postulate that this place is owned by the same folks as Pronto Pizza & Beer because they have the same deal where you can get draft beers in enormous soda cups for pretty cheap, all things considered. Me and Eric both got big beers, although his was biggerer.

The pizza was horrible. Usually I am into cheese scabs, but the one on this slice looks so nasty. Remember when Homer Simpson ate that spicy chili pepper and went on the vision quest? There is that part where he is standing on top of the pyramid and it is kind of like a Jodorowsky film and then his eyes get all crusted over and the way Matt Groening drew it still makes me shiver when I think about it. I don't know if other people have weird little things that just really get under their skin for no apparent reason, but that is one of mine and this pizza reminds me of it. It looks like a wound. It looks remotely sexual in a way that is totally disgusting. I hate it. Ugh, it is making me feel uncomfortable just thinking about it. Yuck.

And then to top it off, this was the limpest, most flaccid, wilted, flabby slice I have ever seen. When I picked it up by the crust it literally just fell down. Disgusting! And the taste, the taste was was worse than all of this. Too much salt, too much cheese, and the cheese tasted like feet or a butt. The crust didn't taste like anything, and I couldn't tell what flavors came from the sauce through the globs of shitty cheese in my mouth. It is worth noting, however, that the bathroom was spacious and clean, with really soft toilet paper. And don't forget that the to go beers are rad! But the pizza sucks farts. No offense if you're into that. In fact, I know I guy. It's a dollar a fart, but you gotta bring your own bag.


Pronto Pizza - $2.50
1333 Broadway (35th & 36th)
New York, NY 10018

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