Friday, May 14, 2010

Pizza Plus: "This is criminal."

As is often the case with pizzerias, the door to Pizza Plus is a warp vortex that takes you out of New York and deposits you somewhere else, like all the open plumbing in Super Mario Bros. In the past we've visited the time travel pizzeria, Tito's, which forced me to question if it would be possible to warn the staff about the attacks of September 11th and thus divert a major national tragedy, (sadly if I tried to do that the Time Police would be on my ass quicker than the NYPD were misguidedly "randomly searching" sikhs ten years ago), and Basement Pizza, where the patron is transported into a David Lynch film. There must be a couple more. Anyway, perhaps the most exotic of all, thus far, Pizza Plus warps you into a touristy neighborhood in Berlin trying to facsimilate American culture.

Remember the game of telephone I described in the review of Buk pizza a few weeks back? (It's worth noting: I'm pretty sure I stole that idea from a story that Young Punk Andy wrote [congratulations on graduating, by the way!]) Well, imagine if instead of having an inter-continental misunderstanding about what pizza is, there was a misunderstanding about what pizzerias are like. This place was just so weird. Huge plasma TV playing live U2 footage, weird L-shaped couch in the front that it looks like you could order bottle service at, there was this like, 13 year old girl wearing tons of garish makeup and smoking outside who apparently worked there. I really felt like I was in another country. It was super weird.

This slice? This slice was a miracle. Seriously. Via some feat of science, or pact with the devil or something, the contents of this slice worked in collusion to somehow totally disguise the fact that there was any cheese or sauce on it. This is like, some Faust shit where it's not real pizza and it looks like pizza but then when you bite in the cheese and sauce disappear and you're just eating bread. I honestly felt like I was taking part in a magic trick. A really gross-tasting magic trick.


Pizza Plus - $2.75
707 9th Avenue (48th & 49th)
New York, NY 10019

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