Saturday, July 10, 2010

Abitino's: "Hopefully the is the last time I have to write this review."

Abitino's again. For those that don't remember, check out One, Two and Three. Fuck this whole place. The pizza here is totally "whatevs" and the "vibe" is like, this miserable yuppie hell. I kind of touched on this the other day when I was talking about that miserable shithole Libretto's, but there is really nothing I hate more than fakers. Like, I think the need to establish authenticity all the time is pretty bogus and counter-productive (whattup, Theodor?) but what I find more distasteful on a really guttural and emotional level is the desire to deceive people with false authenticity or people who try to use their genuine authenticity to push an inappropriate agenda. Let's call a fig a fig here, I'm talking about poseurs and sellouts. What can I say, I came up in the 90s street punk scene. That really is the extent of my or any of my peers' politics besides Unity with the Skins and Fuck Giuliani.

The inside of this Abitino's is just as polished and clean yet pretend rustic as the other ones. It has the same exact Italian American Family Life Pastiche as the other Abitinos (Abitinoes?) do. It has the same listless, totally miserable employees and probably the same middling managerial types and definitely the same presumably douchebag owner or managing corporation or whatever. Seriously, don't bother. This is one step away from Famous Famiglia.

And this American Cheese-colored crap slice was Gar-Bajj! What a waste of time! When I lifted this slice up the very end fell off because it was so weighted down with grease. Boo Hiss Boo Hiss.


Abitino's - $2.75
733 2nd Ave (39th & 40th)
New York, NY 10016


  1. The rating, while by no means good, seems a bit high after reading the review.

  2. blog should be retitled: my friends and i are the coolest

  3. Conrad, I can see where you're coming from, but in this review I mostly talk about the Pizzeria and not the Pizza. If you like, take the time to consult the previous Abitino's reviews, which are linked in the entry. Perhaps I was overly harsh with my words on this one because I was so bummed out on the place, but I've been fairly consistent in calling Abitino's a totally boring dead center middle of the road dull as fuck slice.

    Wah wah boo hoo. Get a life. More importantly, if you don't think You and Your Friends are the Greatest, get a self help book and some new friends. I get plenty vulnerable on this stupid website if you cared to pay attention. But frankly, I'm a fucking adult and I stand behind all the choices I've made, including the folks I've chosen as my community. And in short, I DO think me and my friends are the greatest. What you may be missing in what seems to be your general ineptitude is the fact that me valorizing my friends and our lives doesn't preclude you doing the same for you and yours.

    At best, your comment makes you seem like a somewhat insecure person who just needs a little positive reinforcement, which I would be more than happy to provide on the grounds that you quit acting like a dickhead. Why don't you spend less time worrying about why you think I Suck and more time being preoccupied with finding reasons why You Rule? I think you'd be a lot happier all around and wouldn't be wasting your energy on stupid shit like this.

    XOXO :),
    Slice Harvestah

  4. Hey! That's a new picture!!

  5. SH, that was the greatest smackdown I've ever read. Equal parts patronizing and genuinely concerned, with a few expletives thrown in because why not? Classic.

  6. advice harvester!

  7. I f'in love you, Harvestah. You make me smile.

  8. How do you feel about people who use their ethnicity to push an appropriate agenda. I'm not sure what that means but I feel like I've done it before.

  9. What, like, when I use my Jewish Identity to convince someone not to become a cop?

    "Oy vey, think of all the bullets?! And Marty, you're too much of a mensch to become a chaza, how could you ever join that facacta organization anyway? They pay bubkes."