Tuesday, April 27, 2010

99¢ Fresh Pizza: "A little more phony."

As I mentioned in a previous post, in the Two Bros/99¢ Fresh feud, I tend to automatically side with 99¢ Fresh. I've been eating at their 9th Ave joint for like a decade, and to me, they are the crusty old New Yorker and Two Bros are the upstart new jack who read Please Kill Me a dozen times and just moved here and then wants to tell everyone what New York is all about. I don't know if that's so apt, but hopefully you know what I mean. Anyway, this pizza eating experience, coupled with that last one, really made me rethink my stance.

I'm gonna say from now on that I think these places will have to be judged on a location by location basis, because the slices at each place are so disparate. I can't wait to get further downtown and see if Two Bros is equally as inconsistent from location to location. This slice was about as crummy as it looks, but totally satisfying in that weird way that total junk can be.

Speaking of junk food, last night a bi-weekly meeting I attend that usually meets in a park got rained out and we ended up meeting in a McDonald's. After sitting in there for like, fifteen minutes, I was like, "Fuck this, I'm getting a cheeseburger. Can't resist." Before last night, I hadn't eaten at McDonald's in like 3 years (since that fateful night me and Marcia were driving all night home from Asheville, NC, when I ended up doubled over in the fetal position in my back seat clutching my aching tummy). Unlike that night, I showed some restraint and didn't eat 5 cheeseburgers. But like that night, the next morning I woke up and there was a constellation of pain in my stomach that felt like it was revolving around a burning ember of suffering and bile. It was seriously the worst pain I've been in for years, probably since I last ate McDonald's. I had to go out early this morning and clean up the bar and I drank some seltzer with bitters, and a job that usually takes me 2 hours took me 3 because I was doubled over for most of it. Anyway, as if you guys didn't know, McDonald's is poison. Never forget.

Anyway this slice. I said, "this is decent enough for a dollar. I mean, it's not very good but I am not unhappy with it considering the price."
"Yeah, but you wouldn't mistake it for real pizza," Jeff began, "Like, if you paid $2 for it you'd be pissed."
And that's kind of where it's it with this slice. It's its own beast. In the realm of dollar slices, this one was slightly above average. It was a little floppy, but it was ultimately totally decent enough.

I got so worked up talking about McDonald's being poison I almost forgot the rating!

Objective Rating:

On the Dollar Slice Scale:

99¢ Fresh Pizza - $1.08
151 East 43rd Street (3rd & Lexington)
New York, NY 10017


  1. Ugh, sucks about McD's. Also I love that the "99cent" slice cost $1.08. I don't know if I resent that, or love the cynical demonstration of capitalism at work. I feel like the last time I was at a 99 cent place I didn't have to deal with change. But I don't quite remember it either?

  2. For what it's worth, if you just hand them a dollar, they won't ask you for more money, but if you ask them how much it costs, they tell you $1.08.