Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Toasties: "Make up your mind. Do you wanna walk with me? Around the lake tonight?"

Captured on "film": the historic moment when Mr. Nate Stark and Cory Party officially decided not to mail in their census forms.

Are you fucking kidding me, this place is called TOASTIES?! Fuck you. This is the dumbest name I have ever seen. Toasties should be the name of some like, fucking s'mores restaurant in some tourist bullshit ski resort town. Fuck this. I mean, I am admittedly a total dick and super harsh and shit, but really, you had to name your fucking store "Toasties"? I don't know why this bugs me so much, but it just seems so cute and precious in this way that I find totally repulsive, like when grown adult people who aren't children called pajamas, "jammies" or sandwiches, "sammies". One time in SF I flipped out on this dude for asking me, "just three sammies?" and was all "I AM NOT A FUCKING BABY, SIR! DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING BABY? ARE YOU A BABY? ARE YOU SO LAZY THAT YOU CAN'T SAY AN EXTRA TWO SYLLABLES?!" Garritt was all, "woah, chill out, Colin." Funnily enough, Nate Stark actually is a Baby (he is playing that sick bass).

This slice was not so good and the atmosphere in Toasties was as stupid as the name. The slice had decent dough/crust, but there was practically no sauce, and the cheese was like, a wild flavor vacuum and there was WAY TOO MUCH of it. At one point Cory nearly cheese-drowned, which is that thing where you are eating a slice of pizza and there is so much cheese in your mouth that it starts to force itself down your throat like an invasive alien or like The Stuff or like when you try to chew a whole thing of Bubble Tape and then it lodges in your throat. You can almost feel it pulsating as it tries to drain you of your life forces. This pizza is malevolent. Noteworthy: it is pretty easy to steal drinks here if you are also getting food.


Toasties - $2.50
6 E 48th Street (btw. 5th and 6th)
New York, NY 10017

1 comment:

  1. this has to be one of the funniest reviews you've written...