Friday, April 30, 2010

Croissants?: "It's not inedible."

Now is perhaps a good time to talk about Pizza Policy. Because pizza changed in status long ago from "weird ethnic snack" to "American Death Cult child fuel" there is no need for me to eat at every single deli slinging burnt slices in this filthy Gomorrah of ours. However, sometimes I go pizza eating with an inspired comrade like Saint Stark who commands that we give every place an equal chance. Normally, the way I distinguish from Deli's What Serve Pizza that I go to and those that I don't is according to how they identify themselves. When I search the internet phonebook for "pizza" or "pizzeria," does this deli come up? If so, I will give them a shot, because once they claim the name, they need to be praised or shamed. But if not, I will generally veer away from the sorts of incidental and avoidable places that are probably serving frozen pies and are likely not acolytes of Her, the Great Pizzaola, or in touch with the Art of the Slice.

This "Croissants" place, though, was too weird looking to pass up. There is a certain pervasive strangeness to Times Square that Giuliani was never able to whitewash and clean up no matter how hard he tried. Despite the fact that Show World has been whittled down to a shadow of its former self and Times Square at large has become a corporate theme park like Baltimore's Inner Harbor or South Street in Philly, that piece of land is like a fucking Weirdo Vortex and that is unavoidable.

Anyway, despite looking like a cool shithole, this place is actually just an overpriced tourist trap. $3.20 for one of the worst slices I've ever had. Jeff said this slice was "not inedible, but certainly not good in any way." The texture of the dough was horrifying. I actually just got an email from Jeff's friend Tony Shenton in which he described to me his perfect slice and he says, "I don't care for cakey crust." The dough on this slice was dense and thick in a really unpleasant way. Biting into it felt like a shitty biscuit. The slice had no sauce and the cheese was like plastic. Oh, and it was $3.20.


I didn't write down where this place was and I can't find it on the internet map. I think it was on Broadway near like, 45th St, but seriously, if this review made you want to find this hellhole, fucking just go to the Dungeon and get flogged instead.

1 comment:

  1. Those sinkholes on the top of the slice are pretty disgusting looking.